you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
