My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
