Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
