Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
