Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
