Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
