over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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