You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
