She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
