Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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