There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
