I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
