And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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