i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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