when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
