Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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