I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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