I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
