Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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