And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
