I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
