ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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