ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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