The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
