yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
