I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
