I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
