I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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