The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
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