you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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