You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
