Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
