all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize