Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
