my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize