as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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