And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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