bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
