my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
