I got chris browned last night
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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