So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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