Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
