The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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