but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
