i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
