Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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