Having a random hookup so left but love u
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
