JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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