you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
