They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
