I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
