It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize