Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
