Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
