If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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