...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
