if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize