There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
