I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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