he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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