Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize