i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
