You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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