Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
