You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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