He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
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