I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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