look no pants
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
