Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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