She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
