I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize