Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
