I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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