I showed him my bush... on skype.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
