Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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