You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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