You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's rum buckets o'clock
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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