its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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