Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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