So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
This can only be settled by a dance off.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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