Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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