All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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