Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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