you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Im part way to drunk.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
