i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
