yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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