i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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