How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You are the jesus of drinking
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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