my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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