It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Sorry about my life...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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