overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We need to get me chipped asap
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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