so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
