i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
