Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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