one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
