She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
