i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
