She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
